just something gross

I have a hard time remembering most of the stupid/mean/dangerous things that I have done that would be the type of thing that I think this blog should be about. Like, I've done shitty things but why exactly are they going on here. Matter of fact, why is this introductory paragraph here? Seems a little frivolous... Well I've got news for you mister, you are being a tad judgmental and maybe this is about me, k?

This one night I was at a party. Like most parties in my home town, there were at least 2 of my ex's there. One of these was very recent and the other was someone that I had dated for a long time. So they weren't just girls I had fucked, is what I mean. I get really awkward in situations like this. Maybe anxious is a better word. I just drink and drink and drink until I no longer have the ability to think about what I'm doing. Typically I get really loud and stupid.

At this party a girl that I had only met a few other times was showing a lot of interest in me. This is always ideal because I have a tendency to come off as... um, desperate (shocking!) when I am the pursuer. So good news, I guess. We snuck off to one of the bedrooms...

We were both far too drunk to attempt what we were attempting. Another poor choice was not finding the light switch. We spent minutes fumbling around with each other's clothes not being able to find the bed that we had assumed would be in here. Had to duck out and check the room across the hall. Good news (arguably), a bed. We fell onto the bed and then... something went horribly wrong. I tried to get my dick inside of her and something was in the way. ALARM!

"um, uh, um, should uh, we be doing this?"

"What? (genuinely shocked) Oh! uhhhhh yeah"

She reaches down between her legs and grabs something. I was cracking up from how subtle and smooth she was trying to be. She brought her hand back behind her head and threw 'something' in the process.

::shrug::

And in sometime under ten (five) minutes, I am pleasantly content to go the fuck home. I walk out and the party is still going. People are drunk and talking and all that stuff that parties have. A minute later 'girl' leaves the room to join the party too. But at a run for some reason unknown to me. When she got to the end of the hall, 'slip, bam, ohhhh'! You know that sound of a body smacking the tile? That 'thwap'? That's what everyone (everyone) heard. I was maybe a few feet away and some people were looking at me like I was the one expected to help her. Clearly not what I had thought I was agreeing to.

I left. A dear friend of mine said to me recently, "with great power comes great... walk the fuck home." And so I did. I made it about halfway before calling a friend to come get me.

Hours later I am trying to fall asleep and I'm getting texts from the owner of the house about a condom, a tampon and some ruined sheets. I apologize profusely. These things happen.

Maybe a year or so after this, I went on a trip with a lot of people and 'girl' happened to be one of them. We ended up becoming very good friends and I think that it is even better because of the ridiculous beginning.

edit* I'm still sorry to my friend's little brother (as in under 13) for ruining his sheets.