In 2004 I wasn't a very good boyfriend to any of the girls that year had in my favor.
In 2005 I was a bit of a distracted boyfriend.
In 2006 I was a lying and cunning boyfriend.
In 2007 I was a hopeful but unsatisfied boyfriend.
In 2008 I was all of these and more.
For all the life of me I can't bring myself to give a damn about what kind of boyfriend I am anymore.
For every time I've cheated I've felt that I've chalked a line on a score board for moments in time that I lived and got to taste something great.
Sometimes just one last time.
others, something that would never be on the menu.
the overwhelming guilt I had to stomach were more for the girlfriend and what she deserved, virtually nothing to be said about the fear that they might leave me.
other than the fact that since 2004, being alone has only been a painful inconvenience.
For every time I've broken up with someone because "I can see the end," I've felt that I've done my good deed for the day/month/year.
Dealing with the fact that "I messed up the one I really wanted" by not letting another one happen is hard I guess.
But not as hard as I get when I think about all the women I might meet one day.
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