The Rising Cost of Milk

I'm in the back of car that I had never been in.

Guy 1 "Gas is so cheap"

Guy 2 "Fuck gas, I'm talking about the rising cost of milk"

Guy 1 "Word, for sure"

Holy shit. They were right! The cost of milk has been steadily increasing right before my very eyes. It's getting out of hand. There will need to be a lottery soon, or something. Raffle tickets for a shot at some mother fucking milk. Jesus. To think our mothers were so optimistic as to warn of a 'free milk' utopia where it flows like water. Holy fuck, how much is water?

Guy 2 "I'm thinking that I'm just going to buy a fucking cow."

Jesus Christ. Is this happening? They mean ACTUAL milk. Does no one see how beautiful and relevant this is? How much milk are these dudes drinking?

I don't want to over explain and ruin the subtlety of the awesomeness that was this conversation. But I have an over explaining problem. You see, milk is sex. And cows are women. I guess. Look, I didn't invent this metaphor, alright? I'm not even talking about it now. It's these dudes. I'm as shocked as you are.

But I used to own a cow. Er... I wasn't married. I mean I had a girlfriend. Girlfriends are cows, I guess. We'll go with that. So, I had a cow. But I traded it in... er gave it back. I switched farms. Or I decided to grocery shop again. Really, I moved to France. But now I'm cow-less. And that seemed awesome for awhile. And now I don't know. Milk is getting awfully expensive.

It's really just about adjusting to a milk free lifestyle. I guess. I really should drink more water (fit that into the analogy!). I have not been able to stop thinking about this conversation ever since. When I see a milk truck on the highway, I contemplate stealing it. Like it was a money truck.